my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
