You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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