either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize