Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
