woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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