Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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