Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
