We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
