If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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