Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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