How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
