she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
