It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
