just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
