Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
