I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
