he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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