K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i think im in europe. pls send help
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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