Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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