I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
