And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
