YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
