YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize