Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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