its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
