the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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