She said her name was "party"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
