butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
