eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
