Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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