...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
