Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My vagina is very pro this idea
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