New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
