Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
