I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
