Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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