I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
