There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
