I bet he comes in French.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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