I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He passed out mid-signature
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
