My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my poor anus
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
