The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
