She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
