Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Small penises have feelings too.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize