Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
