At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
