he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
two words...techno handjob
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
