I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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