I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
