google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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