He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
