U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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