I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
