I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
