oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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