Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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