I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
