Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
