I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
