i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
