There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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