When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
