My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
