i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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