How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Please, let me fuck your mom
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He literally asked permission to hit on me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
