So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
