Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
