Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
barbara walters just said penis...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
