Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
